Down the Aisle: Campbell’s Chunky Kickin’ Buffalo-Style Chicken Soup

Posted on October 18, 2012 by 19 Comments

That color…it’s like a basketball had diarrhea.

The times, they are a-changin’!   We started WhyDidIEatThis.com to find good spots for wings, but now we see that eating hot wings every week just isn’t a sustainable lifestyle.  We’ve decided to start covering organic products and sustainable farms and we’re going to do our best to visit vegetarian and even vegan restaurants that support these ideals.  We want our food to come from healthy places where we can gather under trees and have picnics. We’ve started eating flax seed and pomegranates and don’t even really miss that disgusting chunky heavy deep fried chicken wing crap anymore.

Ok, so everything I just wrote was a terrible lie and it makes me feel so gross.  What I really mean is, we’re going to review something you can buy in Wal-Mart.  That’s the change.  That’s it.  And veganism is really stupid.

Why would anyone choose to be vegan?  Vegan chicks cant even give a blowie.  That’s just so stupid.  AND ALSO, HAM EXISTS.  It exists.  Are they stupid?  That’s so stupid.  Bacon.  Come on.  Don’t be stupid. Anything you can eat that’s vegan can be made better by adding some sort of animal to it.  Salad?  If you put some bacon on it then it’s at least got something you can pick out of the foliage.  Vegan noodles with some sort of vegan sauce?  Yeah, maybe with an assload of cheese and a side of “quit being a shitty cook and make something people want to eat, like meat.”

This caption brought to you by Ron Swanson

What about soup?  How can you make a decent soup if it’s vegan?  Vegetable broth?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.  No.  You need some sort of animal.  Maybe chicken.  And if you’re going to have chicken in your soup, what’s the best form of chicken?  That’s right, Hot Wings.  Well, the folks at Campbell’s Soup agreed and decided to create an addition to their Chunky line of soups, called Kickin’ Buffalo-Style Chicken, and they asked us to review it.

We asked them if they were prepared for an honest review and they actually said yes…

 

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

 

I will say that any company that has the balls to ask a pair of notorious assholes like ourselves to review their product or restaurant would have to be incredibly confident in their product, because while we have a tendency to lambaste and destroy anything that isn’t good, we also dry-hump the figurative fuck out of anything that we love.  So either Campbell’s Chunky is super brave, or they just never read anything we did, found us listed under “food blogs” and thought “Let’s ask these nice fellows to review our soup!”.  My guess is the latter.

The nice folks at Campbell’s Chunky marketing team (I mean…the team that markets the Chunky soup.  I’m not saying the people themselves are chunky) sent us a box with two cans of soup:

 

Thank god they bubble-wrapped those metal cans of fragile soup…

 

They also included an envelope with a letter describing their new line of soups that I can only describe as trying to be masculine.  Cheeseburgers!  Wings!  Whatever.  If it sells soup for them, go for it.  Pandering to meatheads is their business, eating buffalo-flavored stuff is ours.

Ooooh, an envelope. I hope there’s money in there.

I totally looked for money in the envelope.  I’m not saying we expected to be paid for this review, I’m just saying that we’re broke and a few dollars to grease the wheels would totally have been acceptable 😉  [Editor’s Note:  We still would have reviewed it truthfully.  WE HAVE SCRUPLES.]

I’m trying to shake the money out of the envelope.

 

But there’s no money.

 

And now I am saddened with the sorrow of 1000 dying waterlillies

 

IS THERE SERIOUSLY NO FUCKING MONEY?? YOU BASTARDS.

 

I totally didn’t have a mental breakdown over that.  Anyway, on to the Chunky Soup.  Popping the can open revealed something I didn’t expect to see.  You know in the second Ninja Turtles movie how they had that glowing green ooze?  Yeah, this soup looked like that, but orange.

 

It was like Michaelangelo’s jizz

 

Ok, so it wasn’t the most visually appealing food I’ve ever laid eyes on.  But then, what did we expect a Buffalo chicken soup to look like?  I vacillated between warming it on the stove and warming it in the microwave, wondering if this was going to affect the flavor or texture or taste of the Chunky soup.

Then I realized that I needed to eat this the way anyone would.  Most college bros that want to pick up a can of this are going to be using the microwave, so I was going to do the same.  I poured its Chunky wetness into a bowl and heated it up for about 4 minutes.  I like my shit boiling, son.

It came out of the microwave looking like this:

 

So serene. So toxic-looking.

 

This Chunky soup wasn’t as thick as a chowder or a baked potato soup, but it wasn’t thin like minestrone or chicken noodle either, sort of right in the middle.  It had an aroma to it that I was having trouble recognizing, but I could clearly see the chunks of potatoes, carrots and chicken in there.

I took a bite, held it in my mouth and tried to place the flavors.  While I sat there and pondered, my wife commandeered the bowl, slurped some of the Kickin’ flavor and said, “This tastes like bell peppers.  And crap.”

My arms are so jacked bro

And holy shit, she was right.   There was a very pronounced “peppers” taste to this soup, like they pureed a ton of red bell pepper stems to make up a good Chunky chunk of this.  It was almost too much.  And by “almost”, I mean “absolutely”.

You know how bell peppers can take on too tart of a taste if you put too many of them?  This is how this soup tasted.  Muddled.  Vegetable-y.  Potatoes.  Some chicken.  Matter of fact, of all the things this soup was, the one thing it DIDN’T taste like was Buffalo.

My wife had a few more slurps before declaring it “awful” and then going back for another bite or two.  I’ll admit this much, the Chunky soup is poorly seasoned and tastes nothing like it’s supposed to, but the flavor combination is almost too curious to avoid.  I didn’t AT ALL like what I was tasting, but I kept tasting it to figure out how they even made it taste like that.

It looks like shit and I can’t stop trying to figure out what makes it taste like crap. GIVE ME MORE SO I CAN VOMIT.

Eventually I was sick of this Campbell’s Chunky Kickin’ Buffalo-Style Chicken soup not tasting like Kickin’ Buffalo anything.  If this was kickin’, the kick was being delivered by Stephen Hawking.  I decided I had tasted enough to make my decision on it, and then went to the kitchen to doctor it up.

A note to Campbell’s, by the way:  Fire anyone who tells you that the word “Kickin'” is still in the modern lexicon for the average man.  It’s not.  It hasn’t been since the mid-90s and even then it started dying about the time that 3 Ninjas Kick Back made us all realize that the marketing teams who come up with these ideas are absolutely fucking retarded and should all be chemically castrated.

The words “Chunky” and “Kickin’ ” make me feel Xtrem’

I usually have a bottle of Frank’s lying around and this time was no exception.  But, as is the case with the rest of the meal, I was confronted with disappointment.  See, I had made some of this fancy ass Buffalo Chicken cheese dip a few weeks prior (shit is thugtastic, ask me for the recipe some day) and when making that I don’t use the regular Frank’s Hot Sauce, I use Frank’s Buffalo Sauce.  The difference is that their Buffalo is like half hot sauce and half “butter flavoring”.  Works great in the dip.

Not so great in this soup. Or as lube, FYI.

 

The already peculiar consistency of this Chunky soup was made even more odd by the addition of the oily faux-butter crap they put in that Buffalo sauce, and there wasn’t enough of a vinegary kick to offset the weird veggie flavorings in their TOTALLY AWESOME KICKIN” flavor.  Now, that’s not Campbell’s Chunky’s fault, that’s my fault of course.

I didn’t have the stomach to finish the entire can, even with my wife helping me out.  It just wasn’t good.  It was “edible”,  and it was filling at least, but the odd color, the weird texture, and the strange and disgusting flavors made it so that I had no particular urge to completely devour the rest of the bowl.

 

“THIS IS MY LAST KICKIN’ BITE!”

This Chunky soup could have been tweaked and made into something decent.  It wasn’t.  Instead it tastes like they used a lot of filler-veggies to make up for the lack of Buffalo flavor and relied on the color to get the message across that “This is totally Buffalo!”.

If I was broke and this was given to me, I’d eat it, begrudgingly, before throwing most of it back in the face of the person that gave it to me.  But that’s about it.  Campbell’s Chunky Soups makes about a million flavors, and there are about 999,999 other ones I’d be putting in my Kickin’ mouth before I tried Kickin’ it with this stuff again.  So there’s your truthful review, Campbell’s Chunky.  Your Kickin’ Buffalo-Style Chicken Soup is subpar and not at all impressive, but it’s edible and not the most repulsive thing on the planet.  That’s the nicest thing I can say.  DEAL WITH IT.

Tyler’s Response:

When we first heard about this soup I was very wary. When I thought of Buffalo wing soup it brought up images of soggy hot wings which is never a good thing. Still, we knew we had to do it because if it is something hot wing-themed we have to cover it whether we want to or not.

When I first opened the can I was hit with the awful smell coming from the soup. I swear it smelled exactly like cat food. My wife was with me (so I could make her suffer through it with me) and she confirmed that was the smell. It didn’t look a whole lot better. It had an orange tint that reminded me of some Burger King Buffalo sauce I tried once – the worst Buffalo sauce I have ever had.

After I warmed it up it ended up smelling like warm cat food. Go figure. When I finally built up the courage to eat some it was actually not as bad as I expected. It tastes a lot better than it smells or looks. In fact, when I moved out for the first time and was super poor I would have been excited to find something like that in my cupboard. But I am not that poor anymore and I only ate enough to make sure I had a good understanding of how it tasted. My wife wouldn’t eat more than a few bites.

The can actually recommended eating it with some corn bread so my wife made some for us. With cornbread it tastes like cornbread with some kind of crappy soup on it. Yeah, no surprises there.

This post was written by Xavvi

19 Comments

  • Sabrina says:

    I was in the middle of eating this soup for the first time, and after every bite I’d just sort of stare into the bowl, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on in there. I literally couldn’t decide how I felt about it so I had to jump on the computer to see what others thought. I came across this blog and got to this line: “I didn’t like what I was tasting, but I kept tasting it to figure out how they even made it taste like that.” Hahaha so at least I know I’m not insane. A little nauseous, but not insane.

  • bobby says:

    This soup is so freaking gross, I put it in the microwave heated it up for about 2 minutes, then soon as i opened the door i smelt an awful aroma that smelt like a mixture of cat piss, chemicals, and a bunch of year old baby diapers. I didn’t have the courage to eat it and dumped that god awful stuff right down the garbage disposal. I applaud you and your girl friend for even stomaching this vile.

    • Austin says:

      I had the same experience. Cat food, vomit, then poo. That’s the smell. Threw the bowl I had made away plus the 2nd can in my cupboard. Worst soup ever. I laughed for 15 minutes when I read the Michelango Jizz comment!

  • Terry says:

    When I opened the can and smelled it, I thought is this a joke?? It smelled like vomit! There was no way I was putting it in the microwave and spreading that smell around in the room, let alone put it in my mouth. So then I called my husband in to smell it, just in case I was over-reacting or my nose was a little off that day. This guy will eat anything but he just backed away from this stuff, declined a taste and left the room. I couldn’t get past the smell and tossed it in the garbage. Glad to hear others had the same experience.

  • Bill says:

    I love good chicken wings but this soup has no resemblance to that most tasty of bar foods. My family and I tried this soup recently and from the moment I opened the can I knew something was wrong. I hoped that heating would improve it but the ghastly miasma that emanated from the pot on the stove actually made the burned popcorn odor from earlier in the evening smell pleasant. Holding onto the last vestige of hope, we each tried a spoon full and then nearly trampled each other getting to the sink to dispose of it. Giving this to a food pantry should be a criminal offense.

  • Chris says:

    I regret that I did not read your review before I tried this soup. This review is almost completely accurate. I have to dispute your assessment that it tastes like bell peppers. Bell peppers taste good. This soup does not. I ate two spoonfuls, one while breathing through my nose, the other while holding my breath. My dog could vomit something tastier.

  • Rosie says:

    Just ate this for the first time at the office. I had to apologize to everyone for microwaving this garbage that smelled like someone drank heavily for 3 weeks non stop, then only ate taco bell’s doritos locos tacos for every meal, and vomited it in the can.

    The chicken was rotten and foul and I could only eat three spoon fulls until I dumped it down the sink. I am mad at myself for eating that much.

    I had to google and see if anyone else hated it as much as I did. Thankfully I am not alone. Shame on you Campbells for considering this “edible”

  • Brandon says:

    Thank you all for the warning I will now knock this can over when I see it in the store.

  • Amy says:

    Forgot my wallet today, so I found this can in my emergency drawer (where I stash food for occasions such as this). Completely taken aback by the orange assault upon popping the lid (but, thankfully, spared the noxious odor due to a stuffy nose). Microwaved, took a bite, and thought WTF! Googled to see if anyone else thought this was the most disgusting crap since mock turtle soup – and here you are. Kudos for the frank review. Guess lunch is going to be stale pretzel rods and some pocket lint – has to be better than this…

  • Scott says:

    I wish I had read your review before picking up a couple of the microwavable containers of this stuff.

    When I first pulled it out of the microwave and took the cover off I got a quick whiff of what smelled like one of the dogs had an accident. I quickly glanced around until realizing the smell was coming from my food.

    Since it was all I had as an option for lunch, I did go ahead and eat it… it didn’t taste as bad as it smelled (and that initial smell went away) – but much of what you said was true – I didn’t like it but for some reason felt like I should eat at least a few more bites.

  • Ed says:

    I’m from Buffalo, and let me tell you this has NOTHING to do with Buffalo style chicken(wings), or even anything edible AT ALL!

    When opening the can of soup I got overwhelmed by this thick pungent stench of diarrhea and vomit that filled the kitchen and made me look around to see if my cat had left a nasty surprise. He did not, it was the soup!

    Since i’m not picky when it comes to food (hell, my wife even calls me the garbage-dump since i pretty much eat anything) i decided to heat it up anyway and give it a try. Taking the first bite i immediately felt like throwing up once it sat in my mouth.

    My cat that had been sleeping up to that moment jumped out of his bed, frantically started walking around the kitchen, sniffing the air and eventually went into his litter box to start throwing around litter trying to cover a non-existing turd… So yeah, it even made my cat think it was the smell of cat-shit!

    I do like Campbell’s Chunky Soup, but this is the first time i ever felt the need to go online and search for people’s comments on one of their soups.

    ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!

  • Erik says:

    I just had this at work and it was the first time in my life that I ever went to verify online that what I thought it tasted like was actually what anyone else thought too.

    So far every post is accurate. It tastes like the after taste after yakking up a big bowl of vegetable soup.

    I remember my father telling me stories of sitting in the balcony of a movie theater with a bag of vegetable soup and pretending to throw up over the balcony.

    If you were to do this today, with this soup, you would be hard pressed to explain it as a hoax.

  • Ryan says:

    Having actually eaten an entire can of this at work, my stomach was already uneasy. But seeing my thoughts come to life in the words of so many others; I think a trip to the restroom is soon in store.

    I, like several others here, had to apologize to co-workers after microwaving this “meal.”

    I’m wondering what panel of workers at Campbells thought it a good idea to mass-produce this soup??????????????

  • Alise says:

    I added authentic Sriracha and some bacon bits (not the baco bits, the real shit, son!) to it and it greatly enhanced the flavor. But it still smelled very strongly of vomit. Like hot, wet vomit on summer’s day.

  • Michelle says:

    First time buying this soup. Brought it to work for lunch. I popped open the can and it DID smell like vomit!! I had to check the expiration date to make sure it wasn’t old. The word Chunky on the can doesn’t help any.

    I’m staring at it now. Its neon orange diarrhea and the odor smells like vomit. Campbell’s needs to recall this product and never make it again.

  • Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images
    on this blog loading? I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog.
    Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.

  • fritz says:

    The slick marketers knew there was huge mistake with this slop… so as saying goes if you cant fix it , feature it. Consumer beware!

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